this IS "worse," it's ALWAYS "worse"
So, ladies and gentlemen...

My college degree is trash. I hate it. It was a complete and total waste of my time. In hindsight, I should have quit back when I seriously thought about it. I'm tired of applying to stupid jobs, and having stupid racist people not hire me. Dah! My best job prospect is a job that makes less than what I made 6 years ago... and won't let me work as many hours.

My overall trend has been low for over the past decade. The "things will get better soon" mantra is more of a lie than any sort of authentic motivation. I thought high school would be the "better"... nope. I thought college would be the "better"... nope. I thought career would be the "better"... nope. That is almost as bad as the "things could be worse" attitude. I think people who have that attitude are either in a better place than before, or don't know what bad is actually like. I maintain that I am still in a bad place- so the "things could be worse" mindset opens up a whole host of memories of how bad things have been before... and I would actually prefer some of those things to what I'm going through now. THIS is going to be my "things could be worse" scenario IF "things get better soon."

I'm tired of dealing with crazy and stupid people. Imagine having to re-work all the basic communication tools that were taught to you in the early years of life. I have never wanted to cause physical harm to anyone as much as I have in this past year.

I have very few things actually working in my life. On a daily basis, people recommend I give up those things to make my life "better." But, I'm doing what I've never done before. I'm holding on to what I have in tight fists- that way I'm ready if someone tries to take it away.

I can't believe how long I listened to other people. They were wrong and I kept believing them. As I read though previous entries I think about how long I've been completely stalled in this horrible position.